Rules For The Front Lines of Change

So, you want to make a change.

Well, in case you are new to this blog, let me sum up where we are at in helping you and others make long-standing changes.

First I gave you an easy-to-remember analogy about habit development in your brain, aka, Pathways in Your Brain. So you know that you are going to have to get off of that pathway that leads to the same old behavior you want to stop engaging in.

And you now have the first few steps towards actually making change:

1. You know exactly what you want to change (You did write down a well defined change statement didn't you? I sure hope so. This is a really important step.)

2. You've maximized your commitment (That list of reasons why you want to change. What you'll gain by changing. No gain is too small to note).

3. You've begun to identify the thought patterns that prompt and/or support your old behavior.

• Think 'just one piece of cake won't hurt'?
  
• Think you 'might win the lottery so spending money you don't really have will all work itself out later'?
  
• Think you can get by with 'just one more night of careless and random sex'?
  
• Think you'll 'start that workout routine tomorrow night'? Or the next?

O.k. so now you are ready for the next steps.

Oh, wait! You said you'll just go cold turkey? You don't need all this foreplay; that you'll just make that change without this nonsense?


Well, more power to you superman (or superwoman).


But for the rest of us that have more difficulty giving up those bad habits, read on...


Step #4. Deeper thinking about your thinking.


Take a close look at each thought that you listed in step 3. These are called your triggers, because they trigger your negative behavior. They are like a gun firing the bullet thats hurting you. If you did a good job at writing them down, you should have quite a variety of triggers.

Here's your 2 tasks with those thoughts:

• First, for each thought, make a note, beside each, of what's wrong with that thought. Does it procrastinate? Justify? Minimize? Is it blaming of others? What's wrong with it? Be honest with yourself. Do this with each and every one of them.

1. Here's an example: I want to stop snacking at my desk. My trigger thought is, "What do I have in my cupboard that I can eat?" What's wrong with that is: I'm trying to fill my mouth with food when I really need something to fill my attention, or, I can't keep distracting myself from the fact that my job isn't fulfilling.


2. Here's another example: My trigger thought is, "Just eating these cookies isn't going to hurt me. I'm already overweight." The problem with that is that I am minimizing reality. If I eat 1500 calories of junk food I will gain more weight. Then I have the weight I started with PLUS what those cookies added to loose.

• Second, write at least one thing that you can replace that trigger thought with when it enters your mind again (and it will re-enter your mind). Make it a statement or action that will 'interrupt' that thought and take your mind to a more positive place. This replacement should be in line with what your overall change goal is. This is where that 'Pathway' analogy comes in. You see, that thought is like your first step on that old 'pathway through the woods' (your brain) towards your habitual behavior. You have to create a new pathway. Catching that initial thought and redirecting yourself is where you start creating new pathways in your brain. This step IS KEY to permanent change. PLAN, PLAN, PLAN your replacement thoughts (a replacement action is a great addition as well) and you'll be ready the next time temptation calls.

1. Here's an example: My trigger thought is, "Eating these five cookies won't add more weight on." My replacement thought is, " Eating these cookies will make it harder to loose weight. That's 1500 more calories to burn. I will walk down the stairs once instead."

Step 5. Redirection

Heres the part that's hard. You have the information, you know what your trigger thoughts are and you have replacement thoughts already planned out. Everytime you think a thought on your list (or another trigger thought) force yourself to think of the positive replacement thought.

Its not a bad idea to write notes to yourself, share your plan with a friend or seek out other supports to help redirect yourself. It will get tough. Just like walking through a forest, we prefer taking the existing pathway; it's easier! Creating new pathways are difficult. There's lots of brush to muddle through. But once we have engaged in new thoughts and actions for some time, they will becomes habits.

You see?

You're just creating new habits, replacing old ones that don't work for you anymore.

So NEVER stop trying. NEVER. Change will happen. You just have to want it bad enough, plan for it well and then work for it dilligently! And if you relapse into old behavior for a moment, that's ok! Just stop as soon as you recognize it and get back on the pathway to the YOU that you want and deserve to be!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

If you want to learn a little more about what's wrong with your thinking, check out this cheat sheet on identifying faulty thinking @ http://www.utvet.com/ThinkingErrors.html