The Greatest Lesson

It's been just over three months since the ending of my last job. Since then, we have been surviving on two unemployment insurance checks weekly. Not much, to say the least, but we are grateful for at least something to fall back upon.

I imagine I am preaching to the choir as millions of you are too, standing in the unemployment line. So what's with the article title? Unemployment and poverty is my 'greatest lesson'? Well, yes...

Like the rest of you, when I was working I got caught up in the drama of hectic living. Work here; a few social expectations there. Woofing down meals to meet my next commitment on time. Not exercising enough, not sleeping at night and eating more calories than I could burn off. An occasional email, impersonal as it may be, to friends and family just to let them know I am alive; often neglecting family needs at home.

Initially, when I first became unemployed I felt a lack of equilibrium. It's amazing how much a job contributes to our self-definition and what we perceive as life-balance.

But, after some soul searching and reflecting on what I could learn from my experience, I settled down into a stronger sense of self and I learned that it is less important what I do for a living than what I live for doing. Materialism and ego gave way to a sense of peace and confidence within that I wasn't able to achieve through work.

I've learned that life becomes more meaningful when I refuse the distractions that had dominated my days prior. I've begun to focus on what life is really about, loving, learning and self-growth. Instead of reluctantly waking to the early morning buzz from the alarm clock, I more happily wake to the gentle licking from my pup and feel of the morning's dewy air.

I've realized that although we can't buy everything we need and the bills are often paid late, my time with family makes it all worthwhile and there is no place as comforting as when I am at home.

I am beginning to focus on what I am passionate about and rejecting the learned impulses of 'keeping up with the Jones' ' because the Jones probably aren't fortunate enough to have this chance to realize that things do not bring happiness.

While I am actively seeking employment and positions appear to be opening up, I never want to go back to allowing my work to take precedence over the happiness that my family and home bring me. Poverty can be a wonderful teacher. In this country we are groomed into believing that having too much, working excessively and eating more than we need is the path to a satisfactory life. Rubbish.

We can do more with less. When we have fulfilling relationships, we don't need to be distracted with ownership, constant activity and financial wealth. This has been the greatest lesson of unemployment.

It's All Up To You

"Life is the sum of all your choices." (Albert Camus)


What will your next choice be?

Oh Please People, Please...

There so much politico these days. Obama this, Republicans that, Demo's this. Who knows what to believe?!

Personally, I choose to stay out of politics. I know, I know, 'if I don't get involved then I shouldn't even comment', my politicking friends would say. But seriously folks, who's to say who's right or wrong here?

Well I say, 'Where's the beef?!'.

I prefer to believe facts. What I see. Evidence.

Before the election last year Obama and Biden both scored high on HSUS's Humane Scorecard. Yep, I am an animal welfare and rights activist. Get over it.

My partner is a political voice and a photographer, often mixing the two. Our home is decorated with photo's of high ranking political entities.

My decor...I have no real taste. Politics? I prefer to keep it to myself.

But when Biden BUYS a dog from a known puppy mill and President Obama accepts a dog from a BREEDER, I have to question their integrity. After all, didn't they get high scores on humane issues involving addressing the plight of victims of puppy mills? What is up?!

So I am back to my non-political stance. I have no faith in our government, even though I have worked my entire career in government. I have seen first hand the corruptness of politics. Folks are just trying to make a living, stay in power, look good. It seems to have little to do with doing what's right for others.

Am I negative? Probably. But I am a realist. Don't vote one way and live another. As Bill Cosby has said, "The proof is in the pudding.".

When will we start holding our government officials accountable for what they do, not what they say?

Don't actions speak louder than words?

I'm not saying I agree with all Republicans. I'm just saying I question the integrity of what the higher-up democrats say and do.

How about the rest of you? What's your take on today's political values?

Why We Torture

The DVD,Taxi to the Dark Side, a 2007 documentary film which won the 2007 Academy Award for Documentary Feature. The video provides an in-depth look at the torture practices of the United States in Afghanistan. It is a very thought-provoking look at not what we do, but what we are.

I am supportive of our troops. I have 2 troop members in my family. But I have to question how we got to the point where we accept torture as a valid tool in gaining intelligence. More than that, how is it that our soldiers were so comfortable in engaging in the vile acts I witnessed in this recent DVD as well as the other media demonstrations of torture? They have to have determined that the humanness of an Afghan (or Iraqi or other captive) was so far removed from the troop's own humanness that compassion and empathy was eliminated. In order to engage in torture, it is imperative to objectify the target. The troops would have had to, in their psyche, de-humanize their captives in order to eliminate empathy they might naturally feel for another's suffering. This predetermination of a diminished human status, or prejudice, clearly made torture easier for them.

In looking at the troops interviewed I couldn't help but notice that the troops were either female, African-American, lower to middle-socioeconomic status or fell into other "categories" of people in the U.S. traditionally subjected to bias in this country. So how could they, who have probably experienced biased treatment themselves, step so over the line as to subject captives to the humiliation and degradation that clearly went far beyond the call of duty? Regardless of whether I support or oppose torture in Intel-gathering, their sexually abusive actions, even causing death, were of no benefit to gaining information. So why then?

Suzanne Pharr, in her book Homophobia, dissects the elements of all prejudice. She does a very nice job of demonstrating how each element that is found in peoples prejudices against different sexual orientations to what underlies biases against religions, gender, age, skin color and so on. One of the interesting elements she discusses is that of 'horizontal hostility'. This element is a subjugated group's tendency to subjugate another group in order to 'lift' themselves to a higher social status; a sort of pushing others to the bottom rung on the social status ladder to avoid that rung themselves.

I think that this, and the other elements Pharr describes are easily witnessed in how we treat others, even ourselves. Horizontal hostility is a form of torture itself, albeit leaving little physical evidence to compare with that of the Afghan victims. We can use insensitive language towards other groups of people, tell 'dumb blond' or 'dumb men' jokes or hire only certain genders or races for certain positions in our company. Torture can be subjective and comes in various forms. Sometimes torture is our participation in prejudiced dialogue or actions against other groups. Some times torture is what we do to ourselves by degrading self-talk when we have an opportunity to reach higher than we ever have, but fear the unknown. So we label ourselves 'stupid', 'naive' and decide against taking a chance because most others in 'our group' haven't succeeded. Sometimes we torture our employees for the creative ideas they have that would require our risk-taking, when we just don't have it in us to try something new; so we create a work environment of status and hierarchy so that our employees will feel less-than others and not share their ideas so willingly.

When it comes down to it, we torture because not what 'they' are but because of what we are; or aren't. It is not our differences in lifestyle, gender, nationality or even faith that motivates bias and torture. It is where we view ourselves in relation to others.

Surprisingly, it isn't always that we see the target of our hostility as lesser-than, but more often that we view ourselves as the diminished individual. It isn't what we are, but our perception of what and who we are that allows us to torture another, or not.

Black & White

"They chased it all over the barn and it bled everywhere, ...Somehow it ended up in the goat stall. They cut its leg off."
(pet-abuse.com; cruelty case #12459 Mutilation/Torture)

So was the situation of a two year old calf named Neapolitan.

Born into a farming industry, purchased by the Neadow's for two thousand dollars and valued for both the milk she provided and her responsiveness to human prompts. Neapolitan was considered a part of the family, a "pet" by Neadow's standards. Until the calf was found dead, throat slit, in the barn of the Hartland, N. Y. farm, the existence of this voiceless victim had been rather typical, by farming standards.

This 2007 Niagara County cruelty case remains unsolved. It is tragic, horrendous and the extreme violence reflects an anomaly in human behavior. Or does it?

When I was very young, not more than seven or eight, I was told the story of a calf and it's mother who, with approximately twenty other cows, had been transported to a slaughterhouse.

The storyteller was a relative. An old farmer type who had changed careers late in life and now drove the trucks that carried farm animals to their final destination. He was not an animal activist, nor vegan; he was not even vegetarian. Just a typical mid-western sixty-year old man with a mortgage an no pensions to rely on. So he purchased an eighteen-wheeler an began driving for his living.

The story of the calf and mother cow was something that, had the characters' species been different , would have matched the likes of movies such as Friday the Thirteenth and Chainsaw Massacre.

After arriving at the slaughterhouse lot, he backed the trailer to the stall area. The cows were unloaded and herded onto what is known in the industry as the "kill floor". A place where blood pools and men yielding knives and wearing red-soaked aprons awaited them.

As the mother cow began to notice the threats within her new environment she began to cry out a sorrowful moan, attempting to alert her baby and fellow passengers to the dangers. Only there was no way out.

The men immediately separated the mother from her calf, but only by a few feet, and began hacking away at the tiny calf, who remained fully conscious and in great fear and confusion. Each hacking brought laughter to the room of slaughter workers until the violence turned into a sick game of eliciting maternal responses with each assault to the helpless calf. Her guttural pleas for the safety of her infant only prompted more violent responses by the workers until, after twenty minutes of stabbing, hacking and slitting, the tiny and frightened victim ceased to live.

Once the calf's struggle ended, the slaughter workers turned their efforts onto the mother cow and the process of killing then returned to the more automated methods of chaining, hanging, dismembering and skinning.

After hearing this story I asked 'why, in witnessing this horror, had my relative not done anything to stop the cruelty?' He answered with his shameful silence.

Even he, the meat-eating, leather wearing and weekend fisherman that he was, could not rationalize the actions of those slaughterhouse men. After a few minutes of heartfelt contemplation his only response was, "That happens every day. I have seen that same sort of thing many times in my driving career. It sickens me."

So what is the difference between Neapolitan's ending and those of the anonymous calf an his mother?

Neapolitan was a family pet. The cow and calf were not.

Neapolitan was given a name and with that name, was assigned a role within the human system of relationships. The mother cow and her calf were not.

Neapolitan's death was assigned to a cruelty investigation. The other's are not.

Well over 35 million cows and calves meet their death in US slaughterhouses annually. Many suffer the extreme horrors described in this post. Those who aren't entered into these sick and violent games suffer no less, as many are hoisted in the air having their throats slit and "bled-out" to their death. Others live their existence inside crates only large enough to stand, until transported to kill factories. Still others, put inside machines designed to confuse and render less conscious (but not dead or even unconscious in the least) before being skinned an dismembered alive. Yet none of these nameless creatures is ever assigned a cruelty case number. Their death, not considered a tragedy. Not one is even given a second thought as they make their way from the factory farm to a dinner plate or shoe store shelf.

Most issues in life fall into areas of gray. Rigid boundaries of right and wrong give way to the undefined haze of perspective; they are arguments multifaceted and have many angles for consideration. But the killing of the defenseless is not gray; it never can be. If we allow compassion to become debatable we loose our civility. Compassion is black and white.

Food and clothing can not justify the cruelty endured by these sentient beings. Their prolonged confinement in unfeeling environment that denies even the most basic of comforts; the harrowing hours, even days of the cramped, cold and painful ride to the slaughterhouses; the traumatic ending brought by the plunges of blood-stained knives by uncaring men and women. This cruel unsympathetic treatment has no justification.

The killing of innocent beings, whether be the incident named or in anonymity, is black and white. It is wrong. It is uncivilized. It is opposite the nature of humanity.

As the human component of humanity we must stop the disregard that our manufacturing processes have for the beings of other species.

We must, if we are to move closer to our spiritual potential, develop a reverance for all creatures, great and small, and no longer allow convenience and greed to support the pain and suffering that exists today.

What would Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad or any other spiritual leader do or say about the conditions that our societies have created for the non-human animal?

Cruelty is black and white.

Compassion is black and white.

There is no gray in recognizing that other beings feel the same fear and pain that we, as humans, do and that humanity must be a central component of how we relate to one another, regardless of the differences of our species.

"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind."
Albert Schweitzer

Rules For The Front Lines of Change

So, you want to make a change.

Well, in case you are new to this blog, let me sum up where we are at in helping you and others make long-standing changes.

First I gave you an easy-to-remember analogy about habit development in your brain, aka, Pathways in Your Brain. So you know that you are going to have to get off of that pathway that leads to the same old behavior you want to stop engaging in.

And you now have the first few steps towards actually making change:

1. You know exactly what you want to change (You did write down a well defined change statement didn't you? I sure hope so. This is a really important step.)

2. You've maximized your commitment (That list of reasons why you want to change. What you'll gain by changing. No gain is too small to note).

3. You've begun to identify the thought patterns that prompt and/or support your old behavior.

• Think 'just one piece of cake won't hurt'?
  
• Think you 'might win the lottery so spending money you don't really have will all work itself out later'?
  
• Think you can get by with 'just one more night of careless and random sex'?
  
• Think you'll 'start that workout routine tomorrow night'? Or the next?

O.k. so now you are ready for the next steps.

Oh, wait! You said you'll just go cold turkey? You don't need all this foreplay; that you'll just make that change without this nonsense?


Well, more power to you superman (or superwoman).


But for the rest of us that have more difficulty giving up those bad habits, read on...


Step #4. Deeper thinking about your thinking.


Take a close look at each thought that you listed in step 3. These are called your triggers, because they trigger your negative behavior. They are like a gun firing the bullet thats hurting you. If you did a good job at writing them down, you should have quite a variety of triggers.

Here's your 2 tasks with those thoughts:

• First, for each thought, make a note, beside each, of what's wrong with that thought. Does it procrastinate? Justify? Minimize? Is it blaming of others? What's wrong with it? Be honest with yourself. Do this with each and every one of them.

1. Here's an example: I want to stop snacking at my desk. My trigger thought is, "What do I have in my cupboard that I can eat?" What's wrong with that is: I'm trying to fill my mouth with food when I really need something to fill my attention, or, I can't keep distracting myself from the fact that my job isn't fulfilling.


2. Here's another example: My trigger thought is, "Just eating these cookies isn't going to hurt me. I'm already overweight." The problem with that is that I am minimizing reality. If I eat 1500 calories of junk food I will gain more weight. Then I have the weight I started with PLUS what those cookies added to loose.

• Second, write at least one thing that you can replace that trigger thought with when it enters your mind again (and it will re-enter your mind). Make it a statement or action that will 'interrupt' that thought and take your mind to a more positive place. This replacement should be in line with what your overall change goal is. This is where that 'Pathway' analogy comes in. You see, that thought is like your first step on that old 'pathway through the woods' (your brain) towards your habitual behavior. You have to create a new pathway. Catching that initial thought and redirecting yourself is where you start creating new pathways in your brain. This step IS KEY to permanent change. PLAN, PLAN, PLAN your replacement thoughts (a replacement action is a great addition as well) and you'll be ready the next time temptation calls.

1. Here's an example: My trigger thought is, "Eating these five cookies won't add more weight on." My replacement thought is, " Eating these cookies will make it harder to loose weight. That's 1500 more calories to burn. I will walk down the stairs once instead."

Step 5. Redirection

Heres the part that's hard. You have the information, you know what your trigger thoughts are and you have replacement thoughts already planned out. Everytime you think a thought on your list (or another trigger thought) force yourself to think of the positive replacement thought.

Its not a bad idea to write notes to yourself, share your plan with a friend or seek out other supports to help redirect yourself. It will get tough. Just like walking through a forest, we prefer taking the existing pathway; it's easier! Creating new pathways are difficult. There's lots of brush to muddle through. But once we have engaged in new thoughts and actions for some time, they will becomes habits.

You see?

You're just creating new habits, replacing old ones that don't work for you anymore.

So NEVER stop trying. NEVER. Change will happen. You just have to want it bad enough, plan for it well and then work for it dilligently! And if you relapse into old behavior for a moment, that's ok! Just stop as soon as you recognize it and get back on the pathway to the YOU that you want and deserve to be!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

If you want to learn a little more about what's wrong with your thinking, check out this cheat sheet on identifying faulty thinking @ http://www.utvet.com/ThinkingErrors.html

More Lessons on Change

Pathways, woods, chemicals, routing…..aaaarghh!

What, you ask, has all this to do with changing your behavior (and thinking)?!

Well, I'll tell you what.

When we fail to recognize that our behavior starts within our brain, change is often short-lived, at best. So we must start addressing the need to change our thinking. The pathways, chemicals and emissions are involved in the processes that our brains use to turn a simple thought into action. Even subconscious thoughts, those thoughts we aren’t even aware of, are molded into action by chemicals in our brains moving from one location to another.

As I said in the last posting, we have carved out actual pathways in our brain from habitual behaviors. The more we perform an action or think similar thoughts, the deeper this pathway is being carved. The deeper the pathway, the easier (and faster) our brain chemicals will move from one section of the brain to another.

What does all this mean for you?

The faster the chemical transmission the faster, and the more subconscious, our thought-into-action process becomes. That thought-into-action process is what has become familiar to us in our habits.

So if you have behavior that you want to eliminate, here is what is required to get started on the road to permanency in change (Next post I will give you the remaining steps):

Steps to Permanent Change

Step 1: Know exactly what change you want to make.

Write it down (your goal statement)

State what you want to do, not what you want to stop doing. Be assertive, not passive. Instead of saying, “I want to eat less than I do now each day.”, say instead “I want to maintain a diet of 1,200 calories” or, if loosing weight is your goal, “I want to loose ten pounds by Thanksgiving.”

Write it down. Be specific about what you want to do and when you plan to have accomplished it. When we have a clear visual of your goal, you are more likely to reach it.

Step 2: Maximize your commitment to change.

Eliminate factors in your environment that directly support the habit. Ashtrays, the ‘sweets’ drawer, ditch the alcohol; whatever you want to change, eliminate temptations as much as you can.

Make a list of reasons why you want to change. Brainstorm. Leave NOTHING out, not matter how big or small. If loosing weight will help you get back into that g-string, then list it! If stopping smoking will open up your chances for a date with that little ‘hottie’ who doesn’t smoke, say it!

This is the time you should have as many reasons why you want to change, not when you have a weak moment. Do your homework now and I guarantee, IT WILL pay off down the road.

Step 3: Think about your thinking (and write it down)

Every action begins with a thought. EVERY… SINGLE… ACTION... begins with a thought. Attitudes and emotions also begin with a thought. Some may be harder to recognize at first (some have become so habitual that they have become subconscious or 'second-nature'; out of your normal awareness unless you work to recognize them).

Start recognizing the thoughts that prompt your undesirable behavior.

¨ Your Assignment this week:

For one week, carry a little note pad and pen with you. EVERY time you get the urge, or actually fall into your habitual behavior, write down the following:

o What were your exact thoughts just prior to engaging in the behavior, emotion or attitude that you want to change?

§ For example, I am trying to loose 10 pounds. Eating at my desk has become a bad habit. Just before I start to look for food, a few thoughts usually come to my mind:

· First, ‘This job is rather boring. I am getting bored.”

· Then “What is in my cupboard that I can munch on?”

Write down as many thoughts as you can think that occur just prior to your performing your habit.

They may not always be the exact same thoughts. That’s ok. Just write them down anyway. Do not censor them. Their raw form is important.

I’ll be back next week to give you the remainder of the Steps to Permanent Change.

(Feel free to list some of your thoughts in the comment box below. You might be surprised to see that others have similar experiences.)

Lessons From The Front 2

Change. It is never easy, whether voluntary or change that is forced upon us. We are indeed creatures of habit.

In the world of crime, nothing signifies this fact more than a victim of domestic violence who returns to their tormentor, knowing well that the next assault upon them could end their life. While there are many factors that play into why we return to obviously unhealthy, even dangerous, situations and behavior, much of the blame is on our brain.

To make this less of a neurophysiology lesson and more of a blog, let me give you a simple analogy.

Think of your brain as a heavily wooded forest. Each time that we think a thought, chemicals emit from one section of the brain and travel to another area, which then results in an action or some sort of internal response like an emotion. Consider that thought (chemical reaction) as representing you, walking a specific route through the forest (your brain). So each time you think a thought (chemical), you are essentially walking (routing) through your forest (brain). Now, like any forest, there is much thicket. Burrs, branches, logs, hills and other obstructions make the walk difficult at first. But if we take the same exact route each time we create a smoother path. Once a path is created, it takes us less time to go through that path (from thought to action) than it did when we initially took it. Are you with me still?

So what does this have to do with changing behavior?

Well, the forest analogy is really an analogy about how habits develop.

You see, each time we are in a similar situation (say, one where we get stressed) and think similar thoughts, like "I want to eat potato chips." our brain's chemicals are creating a pathway in our brain (from the originating 'thinking' area of our brain to the 'physical action' part). The more often we are in a similar situation and think similar thoughts, the faster and easier the process from thought to action becomes. Good habits and bad habits are both supported by these pathways in our brain.

For example, the first day on a new job you are likely pretty thoughtful in driving to and from your job. You are conscious of which turns to take and when. As you've worked at the location for some time, you probably are less conscious of the actual drive, step by step, thus, sometimes are "home before you know it". This is a habit. It's when the pathway in our brain has become so profound that we don't even notice the thoughts that initiated the process. We only become aware of the end result.

There are several keys to changing this behavior. Without each key element in place, long-term change is unlikely.

That's all for now. My next post will enlighten you a bit as to the keys for changing habitual behavior. For now... GO GIANTS!!!

Changing

In my next Lessons From The Front post, I will show you what it takes to make long-lasting changes in yourself and others. But while I am writing this I would like a little feedback from those of you who visit my blog. Please take a moment and respond to the questions I am posing:

1. What do you want to change?

2. What do you think it will take to make long-lasting changes?

Lessons From The Front 1

I began my career in the penal system working as a cognitive-behavioral counselor in a program intended as a "last chance" for A-D Class felons. The program was located in a minimum security prison. The program area itself was classified as a medium security setting, thus had a secure fence, barbed-wire and strict limitations to the offender's movement.

The offenders coming to our program had committed offenses ranging from murder and sexually predatory crimes to burglary and possession of illegal drugs. Most had already served a majority of their sentences inside the walls, obtained a release then failed to adhere to parole rules thus, were sent to us en lieu of a return to prison. A few, mostly younger offenders convicted of D class felonies, were serving probation (community supervision) and failed to adhere to their probation rules.

All felons entering our 90 day program had the same choice to make:
1. Successfully complete our program and return to living in the community (under supervision) or,
2. Fail to complete the program and go to prison.

This seemed a simple enough decision. Unfortunately, not all offenders entering the program completed it successfully. We were known to be highly successful in changing offender thought, attitude and behavioral patterns. With an extremely high success rate of over 58% (success being defined as first completing the program successfully and second, not committing another crime for at least two years following program completion.) we were viewed as a leader in national efforts in offender programs.

On the surface, a fifty-something percent success rate might not seem too promising unless you consider the facts involved:
1. We had 100% failure rated offenders entering the program (all had failed community supervision);
2. We had a dangerous mixture of offenders (sexually violent, white collar, blue collar, ages 17 to 66, drug offenders, gang members, first timers and life-long/repeat offenders) and had program materials/media that had to work with all of them at the same time;
3. Most treatment programs (including twelve-step-, faith- and cognitive-based programs) boast success rates of 7% to 28% at best.

As my first professional position, this exciting opportunity not only gave me the skills that I used to advance in my career, but it provided me with first-hand knowledge of how to evoke change in both myself and others.

For the next several blog entries I want to share with you specific tactics that you can use to promote change within yourself and others. You don't have to be a counselor or a trainer (or criminal, for that matter. LOL) to apply these change-management skills.

Whether it's you who needs to change, your child, your friend or your mate, I am sure the methods and information I have for you will be of help in your change goals. Whether the problem is overeating, overworking, stealing or drinking; if you want to reduce the conflicts you have with others or increase your savings account; whatever change you want in your life it all begins with how you think. And that is where we will begin. Thinking about your thinking.

So long until next time...